Neon

Logline: "A country doctor shows a lonely girl that kindness and decency thrive under the fast-paced depression of city life."

This quick and sweet fairy tale was my first attempt at the phenomenon known as super short scripts. Hopefully it won't be my last. It was a blast to write, and I've discovered that the attempt to execute an entire story within the span of just five pages is quite frustrating yet deeply rewarding.

This was my first entrant into the monthly contest at MoviePoet.com. The theme for that month was "Chemistry", requiring love stories with a title taken from the periodic table.

Neon By Kyle Patrick Johnson An Original Screenplay First Draft KyleJohnsonScripts@gmail.com KylePatrickJohnson.blogspot.com FADE IN: EXT. COUNTRY FIELD - NIGHT In the middle of a vast dark wilderness, BENJAMIN (30s), content in the silence, gazes at an outrageously starry sky. Crickets chirp. Birds sing themselves to sleep. Benjamin sighs. FADE TO: EXT. BIG CITY - DINER - NIGHT Flashing neon lights light up the streets in bizarre colors. Shiny cars zip by, reflecting the dizziness of the city. Pedestrians walk steadily, looking down, avoiding each other. MOVE WITH Benjamin, coming into frame, walking towards the gaudy diner. He wears a nice shirt, loosened tie, corduroy suit jacket with patch elbows. He nods a friendly greeting to passersby who ignore him. He approaches the glass door of the diner, pulls it open. wave of noise and grease blasts out into the street. Benjamin lowers his head and enters the -INT. DINER -- Chock full of people, elbow to elbow, back to back. booth overflows with noisy, talkative city dwellers. Every A Benjamin nudges his way slowly through a standing crowd of people holding margaritas and ice cream floats. He approaches the bar, sees only one empty stool. He lurches forward, claiming it like a lifeline. He sits. A Waitress saunters slowly down the bar to him, arches an eyebrow as a question mark. BENJAMIN Stew, please. Waitress looks at him sternly, rolls her tongue around her lips, hand on hip. Try again. BENJAMIN Any soup’ll do, thanks. And water. A voice Without acknowledgement, Waitress moves off slowly. cuts through the din from Benjamin’s right. 2. ANYA You don’t want the soup. Benjamin turns to see an attractive girl on the stool next to him, hunched over an oily salad. She is ANYA (20s), nice hair, preened but inexpensive clothes. No, huh? BENJAMIN Why is that? ANYA Same soup they had yesterday. BENJAMIN Then it’s sure to be a winner if everyone wants it. ANYA Everyone doesn’t. still here. That’s why it’s Anya picks at the salad forlornly. Her head bows low, her hair almost touching her food. Benjamin looks concerned. BENJAMIN Miss, are you all right? I’m fine. ANYA BENJAMIN Do you feel all right? Anya is unused to having strangers concerned about her. ANYA What are you, a doctor or something? Yes, I am. BENJAMIN Benjamin smiles genuinely. Are Anya looks up at him, startled. BENJAMIN A good guess. How’d you know? you a doctor, too? Anya shakes her head slowly, confused, amused. BENJAMIN I’m Dr. Benjamin Heath, in the Big City for a seminar. And you? 3. Benjamin puts out his hand. Uncomfortably, unsure of herself, Anya reaches out quickly, touches his hand, drops her own back into her lap. Anya. ANYA Waitress returns with his soup, ungraciously plunks it down. As promised, a layer of ugly soup scum encrusts the top. Benjamin swallows hard. Closes his eyes. Bravely digs in. ANYA What’s that? You say grace? Of a sort. kill me. Anya almost giggles. BENJAMIN I’m praying it doesn’t Image-conscious, she controls herself. ANYA Why’re you a doctor? BENJAMIN I like to help people. No. ANYA Really. BENJAMIN I really like to help people. ANYA (bitterly) That’s too pat. Benjamin raises his eyebrows. He pushes the soup away, leans on the counter with his left elbow, turns to face her. BENJAMIN What makes you say that? ANYA Come on, it’s too easy. There’s a real reason, like money, respect, status, something. You know it. Benjamin smiles in honest disbelief. BENJAMIN That’s awfully cynical. 4. ANYA I’m just being realistic. BENJAMIN People can be really good, you know, without a reason. We’re not all this city glitz and glamor and neon. ANYA I don’t believe it. Benjamin, naively thunderstruck, looks down at his soup before turning to the FELLOW on his left. He whispers in the Fellow’s ear and slyly passes him a five dollar bill. He faces Anya again, who picks at her salad. BENJAMIN I’d bet you my life that all these people around us are decent good people. Just because you don’t know them and none of you city-folk ever look at each other doesn’t mean they don’t care for you. ANYA (beat) I’ll take the bet. OK, then. BENJAMIN Lie down on the ground. Anya, shocked, opens her mouth to protest. Benjamin shakes his head, points to the ground. She almost giggles again, twice looks around furtively, slips off her stool, and lays on the ground. Benjamin smiles, winks, walks away. Before Anya can react in anger, the Fellow at the bar points down at her melodramatically, overacting. FELLOW Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I think she’s had a heart attack! As if on cue, every conversation is silenced. As one, all eyes and hearts are drawn to Anya, lone figure on the floor. Waitress rushes around the Anya’s cheeks tenderly. A dials 911. Cries of “Open “Somebody help”, “Is there counter, falls to her knees, slaps salesman whips out a cell phone, the door”, “Give her some air”, a doctor here?”. Benjamin reappears at Anya’s side, kneels down, reassures the crowd. 5. BENJAMIN Trust me, I’m a doctor. what to do. I know He puts his face within inches of Anya’s, looks at her intently. He whispers. See? BENJAMIN We are good people. Anya looks up into his eyes, a genuine look of sweetness coming over her face. Yes. ANYA You are. She puts her arms around his neck as he smiles broadly. BENJAMIN (to the crowd) She’s fine, everyone, she’s all right now. The entire diner erupts with a loud sigh of relief and a scattering of oohs, aahs, and applause before normal conversation and hubbub reigns again. Benjamin puts his arms under Anya, lifts her up to a standing position almost effortlessly, never taking his eyes from hers. Anya is willing to be captivated. PULL BACK TO: EXT. DINER The neon lights glare belligerently at the night. FADE TO: EXT. COUNTRY FIELD - NIGHT The crickets and lightning bugs, undisturbed, make their own noise and light show. Benjamin stands, satisfied, face upturned towards the stars. ZOOM OUT SLOW to reveal his arm around Anya, looking up as well, content to stand silently under the majestic awning of heaven. Benjamin sighs. FADE TO BLACK. 

Below is a rewrite that refines the opening/closing and provides an alternate climax.

Neon by Kyle Patrick Johnson An Original Screenplay Current Revisions by Kyle Patrick Johnson, 12/12/08 KyleJohnsonScripts@gmail.com KylePatrickJohnson.blogspot.com FADE IN: EXT. COUNTRY FIELD - NIGHT Surrounded by dusky pristine nature, BENJAMIN (30s), gazes at an outrageously starry sky. Crickets chirp. Birds sing themselves to sleep. Benjamin takes a long deep breath of fresh air. He ducks into the driver’s seat of a long black car. the key, listens to the low throaty rumble. Headlights flick on. Gravel crunches as the car slowly pulls away, turns onto a rural highway. FADE TO: EXT. BIG CITY - DINER - NIGHT Flashing neon lights explode onto the streets. Shiny cars zip by, reflecting the neon, the dizziness of the city. Pedestrians walk steadily, looking down, avoiding each other. The long black car slides into a parallel parking spot. Benjamin climbs out of the car, nods a friendly greeting to passersby who ignore him. He approaches the glass door of the diner, pulls it open. wave of noise and grease blasts out into the street. INT. DINER Chock full of people, elbow to elbow, back to back. Every booth overflows with noisy city dwellers drinking margaritas and ice cream floats. Benjamin approaches the bar, sees only one empty stool. lurches forward, claims it like a lifeline. He A Turns WAITRESS (30s), a run-down Cher, saunters down the bar, looks at him, rolls her tongue around her lips, hand on hip, intimidatng. 2. BENJAMIN Uh, any soup’ll do, thanks. water, please. And Benjamin Without acknowledgement, Waitress moves off slowly. barely hears a soft mumble from his right. ANYA The soup’s awful. Benjamin turns to see a girl on the stool next to him, hunched over an oily salad. She is ANYA (20s), nice hair, preened but inexpensive clothes. BENJAMIN What was that? Nothing. ANYA Anya looks uncomfortable. Benjamin eyes her, thoughtful. ANYA Uh, well, I just said you don’t want the soup. No, huh? BENJAMIN Why is that? ANYA Same soup they had yesterday. BENJAMIN Then it’s sure to be a winner if everyone wants it. ANYA Everyone doesn’t. still here. Anya picks at the salad. touching her food. That’s why it’s Her head bows low, her hair almost Benjamin’s cheerful face looks concerned. BENJAMIN Miss, are you all right? I’m fine. ANYA BENJAMIN Do you feel all right? 3. ANYA What are you, a doctor or something? Yes, I am. BENJAMIN Benjamin smiles genuinely. Are Anya looks up at him, startled. BENJAMIN A good guess. How’d you know? you a doctor, too? Anya shakes her head, confused, amused. BENJAMIN I’m Dr. Benjamin Heath, in the Big City for a seminar. And you? Benjamin puts out his hand. Uncomfortable, unsure of herself, Anya reaches out quickly, touches his hand, drops her own back into her lap. Anya. ANYA As promised, Waitress returns with his soup, plunks it down. a layer of ugly soup scum encrusts the top. Benjamin swallows hard. Closes his eyes. Bravely digs in. ANYA What’s that? You say grace? BENJAMIN I’m praying it doesn’t kill me. Anya almost giggles. Image-conscious, she controls herself. ANYA Why’re you a doctor? BENJAMIN I like to help people. No. ANYA Really. BENJAMIN I really like to help people. 4. ANYA (bitterly) That’s too pat. Benjamin raises his eyebrows. He pushes the soup away, leans on the counter, turns to face her. BENJAMIN What makes you say that? ANYA Come on, it’s too easy. There’s a real reason, like money, respect, status, something. You know it. Benjamin smiles in honest disbelief. BENJAMIN That’s awfully cynical. ANYA I’m just realistic. BENJAMIN Real? People can be really good, you know, without a reason. We’re not all this city glitz and glamor and neon facade. ANYA I don’t believe it. Benjamin, naive, thunderstruck, looks down at his soup. Anya focuses on her salad. Her eyes tug to her left, wanting to look at Benjamin, but she doesn’t. Benjamin smoothly leans to the FELLOW on his left. doesn’t notice. Anya Benjamin whispers in the Fellow’s ear, slips him a ten dollar bill. Benjamin straightens, faces Anya again. BENJAMIN I bet all these people around us are decent good people. Just because you don’t know them and none of you city-folk ever look at each other doesn’t mean they don’t care for you. 5. ANYA They don’t know me. me. OK, then. BENJAMIN You don’t know Anya watches Benjamin, waits for him to respond. But Benjamin only eats more of his soup, gagging quietly. Disappointed, she looks at her salad in bewilderment. Fellow makes a strange gurgling sound. Anya hears it but doesn’t look up. Benjamin eats. Fellow faceplants into the bar, writhing in pain. Anya’s eyes flick over, wondering, still not moving. Benjamin eats. Fellow flies off his stool, wracked with convulsions, grabbing his chest and his left arm. Waitress leans over the bar to see him. Her eyes open wide. WAITRESS Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I think he’s having a heart attack! As if on cue, every conversation is silenced. As one, all eyes and hearts are drawn to Fellow, lone figure on the floor. Except Benjamin, who eats. Waitress rushes around the counter, falls to her knees, slaps Fellow’s cheeks tenderly. Anya stands off her stool, helpless, wanting to help. Cries of “Open the door”, “Give him some air”, “Somebody help”, “Is there a doctor here?”. WAITRESS Someone, call 911! Benjamin wheels around on his stool, kneels, reassures the crowd. No need! BENJAMIN Trust me, I’m a doctor. 6. He unbuttons the top button on Fellow’s shirt. instantly relaxes, breathing normally again. Fellow Benjamin crouches behind Fellow, pretends to perform the Heimlich maneuver. Fellow coughs twice. Fellow stands up. FELLOW Oh, there we go. Thanks, Doc. BENJAMIN (to the crowd) He’s fine, everyone, he’s all right now. The entire diner erupts with a loud sigh of relief and a scattering of oohs, aahs, and applause before normal conversation and hubbub reigns again. Fellow and Benjamin slip back up on their stools, unnoticed. Benjamin puts his face within inches of Anya’s, looks at her intently. He whispers. BENJAMIN I have to confess, I asked him to lay down there. Sorry to trick you. Anya is confused, betrayed, about to tell him off. BENJAMIN But did you see? Did you see them care? They did care, they did. They are good people. Anya looks up into his eyes, a look of sweetness coming over her face. Yes. ANYA I guess you are. He smiles broadly. BENJAMIN Can I show you real life, life without neon? Yes. ANYA Benjamin holds out his hands to Anya, she takes them. 7. He raises her to a standing position, never taking his eyes from her. PULL BACK TO: EXT. DINER The neon lights blink and glare. FADE TO: EXT. COUNTRY FIELD - NIGHT The crickets and lightning bugs make their own noise and light show. Benjamin sits on the hood of the long black car, face upturned towards the stars. His arm is around Anya, content to sit silently under the majestic awning of heaven. Anya takes a long deep breath of fresh air. FADE TO BLACK.